Can't sleep because of anxiety? Try less, not more
You're exhausted all day, and then your head lights up the moment you lie down. You check the clock, count the hours left, and the more you want to sleep, the further away it gets. That's frustrating, and also very understandable.
Trying harder to sleep keeps you awake
Good sleepers don't do anything to fall asleep; sleep just happens. Colleen Carney and Rachel Manber, insomnia researchers and authors of Quiet Your Mind and Get to Sleep, point out that with insomnia people start trying: going to bed earlier, staying in bed longer, telling themselves to sleep. The effort itself makes them more awake.
They compare it to a Chinese finger trap: pull and it tightens, lean in and it lets go.
Your bed can learn to mean "wake up"
Like the bell in Pavlov's experiment, the bed can become a signal for alertness. If you spend long stretches in it awake, annoyed, going over tasks, or scrolling, the brain links bed with being awake. That's why people nod off on the couch and then feel wide awake in bed.
The fix sounds simple: use the bed only for sleep, and if sleep isn't coming, get up, do something calm in dim light, and come back when you feel sleepy.
Talk it through with Adam, our AI psychologist for sleep, energy, and habits. Free to start, no sign-up. It remembers your context, and you can stop anytime.
Talk to AdamWorry earlier, not in bed
Worry is basically an attempt to solve a problem, but bed is the worst place for it: half asleep you can't solve anything, and anxiety just speeds up. Carney and Manber suggest sorting worries out in the early evening and writing down a next step for each. At night you can remind yourself: I already worked on this when my head was clearest.
They also recommend a buffer: at least an hour before bed with no tasks or demands, and before that some time to close the day, like a short walk or writing down what's on your mind.
Take some pressure off the night
Many of us learned a "golden rule": sleep well and the day will be good, sleep badly and it will be bad. Carney and Manber note how many exceptions it has, and how believing it adds pressure, which makes sleep harder.
Gregg Jacobs, who studied insomnia at Harvard Medical School, writes in Say Good Night to Insomnia that daytime performance usually doesn't suffer much after about five and a half hours of "core sleep," and that the brain makes up deep sleep on its own after a bad night. Remembering this helped his patients panic less, and sleep better.
A small first step for tonight
- An hour or two before bed, write down what's on your mind and one next step for each item.
- Keep the last hour free of tasks and work messages.
- If you're awake and frustrated in bed, get up for a while and come back when you're sleepy.
- Keep the same wake-up time tomorrow, even after a bad night.
When to get more help
See a doctor if poor sleep lasts for weeks, if you snore loudly or stop breathing during sleep, fall asleep during the day without meaning to (especially while driving), or are thinking about sleeping pills. Insomnia that lasts is very treatable, and a specialized therapy for it, CBT-I, is widely recommended. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call your local emergency number or find a free helpline at findahelpline.com.
Talk it through with Adam, our AI psychologist for sleep, energy, and habits. Free to start, no sign-up. It remembers your context, and you can stop anytime.
Talk to AdamQuestions
Should I stay in bed and rest if I can't sleep?
Usually it's better to get up after a while and come back when you feel sleepy, so the bed doesn't turn into a place for being awake and worried.
Should I go to bed earlier to catch up?
Going to bed early and sleeping in tends to make sleep lighter and more broken. A steady wake-up time helps the body build up a stronger pull to sleep.
Is one bad night dangerous?
For most people, no. The body makes up deep sleep the next night. Worrying about the bad night often does more harm than the night itself.
More guides
- Burnout at work: what it is and what actually helps
- Feeling lost in life: where meaning comes from
- How to stop overthinking (without trying to stop thinking)
- How to talk to your partner without it turning into a fight
- Money anxiety: why it hits so hard, and how to face it
Dicamus is a self-help tool with AI specialists, not medical care or an emergency service. Updated 2026-10-12.
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