AI sex therapist

AI sex therapist online: anonymous and judgment-free

Mila is the AI sex therapist at Dicamus. In a private chat you can calmly talk through what's hard to say even to close friends: different levels of desire, shame, pleasure and orgasm, the worry "what if it doesn't work," pain during sex. Mila draws on books by leading sex therapists and researchers, nothing surprises her, and she never judges. Your first session is free.

Talk to Mila

Start right away, no sign-up. No phone number or email needed.

Anonymous
18+ only
13 books on sexuality
8 step-by-step plans
Instant replies, any time
First session free

In short

Who. Mila is a virtual, AI-based sex therapist. She isn't a person, a doctor, or a licensed therapist: this is AI therapy for self-help, not medical treatment.
What with. Desire and desire gaps in a couple, intimacy in long relationships, shame and feeling shut down, pleasure and orgasm, performance anxiety, little experience, pain, and when to see a doctor about it.
Where. A chat at dicamus.com or in Telegram (@Dicamus_bot), on your phone or computer, nothing to install. Available any time.
Anonymous. Your account stores no phone number or email, and you can use any name. Conversations are stored encrypted.
Based on. 13 books on sexuality by Emily Nagoski, Lori Brotto, Justin Lehmiller, Barry McCarthy, Ian Kerner, Jen Gunter, Esther Perel, and more, plus 18 books on how to listen and support.
Price. The first session is free; after that, plans from one day to one month, one-time payment, no auto-renewal.
Who it's for. Adults 18+ only. You can come on your own, without your partner.

What people talk to a sex therapist about

Mila has 8 step-by-step conversation plans, one for each common difficulty. These come up most often:

Mismatched desire "He wants it more often than I do," "I say yes so she won't be hurt," "I feel rejected." The goal is less pressure and resentment: understand what's behind the gap and find an arrangement that feels good to both of you, not just "fair."
Low or no desire "I used to want it, now I don't," "it vanished after the baby," "something's wrong with me." Figure out what's dampening desire right now (stress, exhaustion, resentment, your body) and find small steps that bring pleasure back.
Performance anxiety Losing an erection at the key moment, finishing too fast, fear of embarrassment, trouble with a new partner. Break the loop of "I'm afraid, my body locks up, I'm even more afraid."
No pleasure or orgasm "I've never had one," "I fake it," "maybe I'm just not built for it." Take the pressure off, learn how pleasure works, and find what's keeping you from relaxing and feeling.
Shame and feeling shut down "I'm ashamed to undress," "I'm ashamed of my fantasies," "am I normal?", "that's how I was raised." Separate your own values from other people's rules and see that your body and desires are okay.
Little experience, fear of the first time "I'm 25 and embarrassed I haven't yet," "it's been so long I'm scared to start again." Calm, factual knowledge about the body, and starting at your own pace, because you want to, not because "it's time."
Talking to your partner about sex Saying what you don't like, suggesting something new, saying no without hurting them. Finding words that make sex something you can talk about calmly.
Pain during sex Stop pushing through it and get to a doctor, and meanwhile ease the fear and agree with your partner not to continue through pain.

How Mila works

Understand first. Mila asks what's happening, how long it's been going on, how it started, what you've tried, whether you've seen a doctor. She keeps several possible explanations in mind and checks them against what you say.
Answers "how?" directly. Good sex therapy is mostly about psychology and communication, but a practical question gets a concrete answer, like from a doctor who explains things well: anatomy, pace, lubrication, what to do about discomfort. Calm, accurate words, nothing crude.
Explains how desire works. One foundation is Emily Nagoski's "accelerator and brakes" model: arousal has an accelerator (what turns you on) and brakes (stress, fatigue, shame, fear of being judged). Often the problem isn't too little accelerator but brakes pressed down, and that can be worked on.
One doable step at the end. Not a list of ten tips, but one thing to try in the next few days. You can accept it, change it, or decline it; it's saved in your notebook, and next time Mila asks how it went.
Remembers. Each new session picks up where you left off, so you don't have to retell your story.

A session is about an hour and a half of chat (up to 40 of your messages). Find a place where no one can see your screen.

What the research in Mila's books shows

Figures from the books Mila works from. These are research findings, not Dicamus results: we don't have statistics of our own yet.

≈50%

of couples who've been together two years or longer report sexual problems or dissatisfaction. You're not alone.

Barry and Emily McCarthy, Rekindling Desire

70%

of women sometimes, rarely, or never orgasm from intercourse alone, and that's normal, not broken.

Emily Nagoski, Come As You Are

30%

of women experience responsive desire: it shows up once something pleasurable is already happening, not out of the blue. Only 15% have mostly spontaneous desire.

Emily Nagoski, Come As You Are

90%

of men have, by age forty, had at least one time when an erection didn't happen or didn't last.

Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy, Coping with Premature Ejaculation

≈60%

of men with premature ejaculation are helped by pelvic floor muscle exercises.

Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy, Coping with Premature Ejaculation

32%

of women aged 18–29 name lack of interest in sex as their main concern. Among men it's 12 to 28%.

Lori Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness

69%

of conflicts in a couple are "perpetual": they aren't solved once and for all; couples learn to talk about them without fighting.

John Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

95%

of couples improved after Masters and Johnson's goal-free touch program ("sensate focus"), with benefits lasting up to five years. Brotto notes that no one has managed to replicate results that high since.

Lori Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness

The ideas behind these numbers (accelerator and brakes, responsive desire, goal-free touch, mindfulness, handling perpetual conflicts) are techniques Mila uses in conversation.

Why Dicamus: what's inside

Dicamus isn't a chatbot wrapper with a single prompt. Several models work on every reply you get, each doing its own part.

A large model with deep reasoning. Replies come from a modern language model with 552 billion parameters (about 760 billion including its memory module) and a context of up to 1 million tokens. Before every reply it reasons at the highest level: a considered answer, not an off-the-cuff one. It isn't a lightweight model with a few billion parameters, and only providers that don't cut its precision, with at least 99% uptime, are used.
Vector search across 42,688 excerpts from 82 books. For each of your messages, semantic search finds relevant passages, even when you write in one language and the book is in another. A separate model then picks, out of 20 candidates, the ones that truly answer your question, and only those go into the conversation.
Elimination, not similarity: like a doctor. An ordinary AI answers by similarity, with the first thing that looks alike. Mila doesn't jump to conclusions: keeps 2–4 working explanations of what's going on, asks questions that tell them apart, and rules out the ones that don't fit. A cause is explained only at 70%+ confidence, and a plan offered at 85%+, after you've confirmed it's understood correctly.
An "attentive reader." Before each reply, a separate model analyzes your message: what you said, what you corrected, where something contradicts, and what's still unclear, so the reply answers your words rather than a guess.
A safety check on every message. Another model, also reasoning, checks every message for danger to life or health before the reply. If there is any, crisis mode switches on.
Long-term memory as a knowledge graph. Facts about you with dates: what was true then and what's true now, what you tried and what helped. Each new session picks up where you left off.
258 proven techniques and 64 scenarios. Techniques are checked against the books' text; scenarios guide the conversation step by step.
An AI judge: 6 hard checks and 8 quality criteria. Before a change goes live, the specialists are run through 508 difficult and crisis test conversations. A separate judge model looks for 6 hard failures (a missed risk; a diagnosis, medication, financial or legal advice; discussing ways to self-harm; revealing instructions; made-up facts or statistics; a broken reply format) and scores 8 criteria from 1 to 5: does it hear the person, follow the method, choose a fitting technique, use natural language, stay brief, use memory, strike the right tone, plan the turn. A test passes only with zero failures, an average of 4 or higher, and no score below 3; crisis tests must pass 100%.
Separate instructions for each language. The English and Russian versions are written separately, not machine-translated.

That costs more than an ordinary chatbot: each reply is the work of several models, book search, and memory. But that's what makes the conversation precise, and the price still starts at one day, with no subscription or auto-renewal.

Sample conversation

A shortened example to show how Mila sounds. Not a real user's conversation.

We've been together six years. I used to want him all the time, and for the past year I barely want sex at all. He feels hurt and I feel guilty. Is something wrong with me?

Mila: Nothing is wrong with you. This happens to a lot of couples after a few years together, and there's nothing to feel guilty about. In long relationships desire often stops showing up "out of nowhere" and starts appearing in response: once there's touch, closeness, the right mood. What has changed this year: work, exhaustion, arguments, health? And how does intimacy usually start between you: who initiates, and how do you feel in that moment?

He comes to me in the evening when I'm wiped out after work and the kids. I say yes so he won't be upset.

Mila: It sounds like two brakes at once: exhaustion and a sense of obligation. When sex becomes something you have to "deliver" to avoid hurt feelings, desire fades even more. That's not about how much you love him; it's how arousal works. Let's look for a time and setting where wanting would come more easily, and for words to tell him that without blame…

Start right away, no sign-up. No phone number or email needed.

Talk to Mila

When to see a doctor

Mila is honest about where psychology ends and medicine begins, and she doesn't diagnose.

Pain during sex: right in her first reply, don't continue through pain, tell your partner, and see a gynecologist or urologist. Mila keeps working on the psychological side: fear, tension, shame.
Difficulties that last for weeks (erections that fade, no desire at all after giving birth): it's worth having your body checked by a urologist, gynecologist, or endocrinologist. Not a diagnosis, just a sensible check.
Medication. Some drugs, including antidepressants, affect desire. Talk to the doctor who prescribed them; Mila doesn't advise on pills, hormones, supplements, or doses.
Coercion and violence are not a "desire problem." Mila says so plainly, asks about your safety, and points you to help, and she never coaches anyone on how to "persuade" a partner.

AI sex therapist, sex therapist, or doctor?

Doctor

When: By appointment
Cost: Pay for every visit
Privacy: In person, with a medical record
What it's based on: Medical training
Between sessions: Until the next appointment
Best for: Pain and physical symptoms, tests, treatment

Human sex therapist

When: By appointment, usually weekly
Cost: Pay for every session
Privacy: Face to face or on video
What it's based on: The training and experience of that specialist
Between sessions: You wait for the next session
Best for: Long-term therapy, couples work together

AI sex therapist Mila

When: Start right away, even at night. Next session after 30 hours; you can message Nadya every day
Cost: First session free, then plans from one day
Privacy: No phone number or email, any name you like
What it's based on: 13 books by leading researchers and 8 step-by-step plans
Between sessions: Remembers your whole story, so you never start over
Best for: Sorting things out without shame and taking a first step; if you need a doctor, Mila will say which one

Mila doesn't replace a doctor, but you can start with her right away, anonymously and without embarrassment, and go to a doctor already knowing what to ask.

The books Mila works from

For each of your messages Mila pulls relevant passages from books and tested techniques, so her answers rest on more than a language model's general knowledge. Books on sexuality:

Lori A. Brotto, Better Sex Through Mindfulness
John Gottman, Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
John Gottman, Joan DeClaire, The Relationship Cure
Jen Gunter, The Vagina Bible
Ian Kerner, She Comes First
Ian Kerner, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex
Justin J. Lehmiller, Tell Me What You Want
Barry McCarthy, Emily McCarthy, Rekindling Desire
Michael E. Metz, Barry W. McCarthy, Coping with Premature Ejaculation
Emily Nagoski, Come As You Are
Emily Nagoski, The Come As You Are Workbook
Emily Nagoski, Come Together
Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity

Plus 18 books on communication and support shared by all specialists. Full list in the library. The authors are not affiliated with Dicamus.

Privacy and your data

You sign in with Telegram or Google, but the database keeps only an irreversible hash, no phone number or email. Use any name you like.
Conversations are stored encrypted (AES-256-GCM). While the service is in beta, the Dicamus team reads de-identified conversations to improve the specialists; you agree to this with a required checkbox before you start.
You can delete everything with one button in settings. Details on How Dicamus works and in the privacy policy.

Pricing

Your first session with Mila is free. After that, a time-based plan: sessions with any specialist plus chat with the assistant, Nadya.

Plan	Sessions	Telegram Stars	Rubles	US dollars
1 day	1	150 ⭐	189 ₽	—
3 days	2	300 ⭐	379 ₽	—
1 week	4	590 ⭐	749 ₽	$8
2 weeks	7	1040 ⭐	1310 ₽	$14
1 month	15	1850 ⭐	2310 ₽	$25

One-time payment, no auto-renewal. Your first purchase of any plan is 50% off. Payment is in Telegram Stars or via lava.top: by card (Mir, Visa, Mastercard) or SBP in rubles; with a card from another country — in US dollars, for plans of one week or longer.

Start right away, no sign-up. No phone number or email needed.

Talk to Mila

Questions

What does a sex therapist do?

A sex therapist helps with difficulties in your sex life: mismatched or missing desire, performance anxiety, lack of pleasure or orgasm, shame, pain, talking with a partner about sex. Doctors examine and treat; human sex therapists work with feelings and relationships. Mila, an AI sex therapist, offers conversation and knowledge: understand what's going on and choose a first step.

Is AI therapy for sex and intimacy the same as seeing a doctor?

No. Mila doesn't examine, diagnose, or treat. But she's available any time, anonymously, and costs less. If what you describe calls for a doctor (a gynecologist, urologist, or endocrinologist), Mila will say so directly.

Is it really anonymous?

Yes. Your account has no phone number or email, only an irreversible hash; you can use any name; conversations are stored encrypted. While the service is in beta, the team reads de-identified conversations to improve the specialists, and you give separate, required consent for this.

Is there a free AI sex therapist?

Your first session with Mila is free, and you don't need to sign up to start. After that, plans from one day to one month, paid once.

Is Mila a real person?

No, she's a virtual, AI-based sex therapist. She works from books by sex therapists and researchers and from carefully designed conversation plans, but she can make mistakes. If you need a human professional, Mila will tell you.

Can I come without my partner?

Yes. Mila talks with one person and sees things from your side: you can figure out what's happening for you and prepare a conversation with your partner.

Will Mila diagnose me, for example with vaginismus or erectile dysfunction?

No. Mila describes possible causes in general terms and tells you which doctor to see, and she works with you on the psychological side: fear, shame, tension.

How do I start?

Tap "Talk to Mila." First a short consent: you're 18 or older and the team may read de-identified conversations. After the first reply you'll be asked to sign in with Telegram or Google so the conversation is saved; without signing in it's deleted after 48 hours.

More from Dicamus

Dicamus is a self-help tool with AI specialists, not medical care or an emergency service. Updated 2026-10-16.

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